Download e-book for iPad: 500 Dates: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Online by Mark Miller

By Mark Miller

ISBN-10: 1629148482

ISBN-13: 9781629148489

Now numerous years post-divorce, dating specialist and slapstick comedian Mark Miller has skilled greater than first dates. In 500 Dates, composed of fifty-five humor essays, Miller gains the highlights and lowlights of these dates.
Among the real relationship stories and revelations you can find during this booklet are:

• How Miller and his date discovered the restrictions of a guy being too emotionally expressive. (“Most men think of revealing extra approximately themselves emotionally and speaking on a deeper point approximately as relaxing as falling face-first onto an ice pick—or spending the remainder of eternity hearing Celine Dion music.")

• Miller's consciousness that typically males need to pay a heavy rate for his or her dates' prior dating behavior.("At least six various instances, God has matched me up with a girl who has had an extended background of untamed, impulsive, passionate, no-holds-barred intercourse. She normally reveals anything missing in that way of life and makes a decision to make a transformation. beginning with the very subsequent guy she dates. who's perpetually me.")

• Miller's erroneous social scan to split courting from prestige through spending below $20 at the date, procuring every thing at a 99¢ shop, and what he discovered, therefore, approximately his date and himself. (“I observe now that at the trip of romance, thrift and creativity will take you simply up to now - for the remainder of the journey, you'll want MasterCard.")

• published for the 1st time the interior workings of a man's brain.
("Cerebellum. liable for coordinating stream and preserving stability. Used basically whilst a guy has had 8 beers and is endeavoring to make his option to the rest room with out tripping over the puppy and pulling the fish tank over on best of them.")

• How Miller took his date to his ex-wife's vacation social gathering basically to discover his date and his ex-wife bonding like highschool girlfriends. (“Pam might take Amy apart and current to her an inventory of all 273 of my failings, such a lot of which, she confides to Amy, won't turn into seen until eventually month 3 of Amy's being with me. Amy is shocked; she'd merely been conscious of 149 of my failings.")
But 500 Dates is set even more than relationship. Its humor essays additionally hide romance, relationships, breakups, charm, the character of affection, and the way either women and men view the artwork, technology, expectancies, and truth of courtship and turning courtship into whatever deeper and longer lasting within the twenty-first century. all through those essays, a section of which have been formerly released in quite a few media, Miller offers a feeling of wish approximately one's romantic customers. Readers will locate that the tip of a wedding, even a long term one, doesn't suggest the tip of romance—or one's humorousness.

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Additional info for 500 Dates: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Online Dating

Sample text

Make two,” I said. ” “Oh, ok. ” Bolo twirled the schnapps bottle around his finger like a cowboy in a shootout at high noon and poured two shots, then returned the bottle to its holster and pushed the drinks over to us. ” She smiled. “Sure. Let’s see,” God I’m awful at toasts. ” I sighed, closed my eyes, took a deep breath and said, “Ok here we go. ” I stayed there a second savoring that feeling, then snapped back to reality. “To Nicole. ” I said. Where did that come from? For a moment she didn’t say anything.

The worst part of a shower, of course, was the getting out. Leaving that warm womb of watery goo just to go out into the cold cruel world was never easy. That day at least there was some hope. I had a great night planned. Of course there were a few speed bumps on the way to happiness, but at least happiness was actually out there on the horizon. I could just make out the topsail of the ship in the distance. I rummaged through my closet and found the least offensive pair of “nice” jeans, which happened to be my favorite pair.

It felt disorienting, the way it feels when you wake up and it takes a second to realize where you are. She told me all about the relationship she was just in and how it affected her. She had recently gotten out of a relationship that was very taxing on her life. “He never hit me,” she explained, “but I actually lived in fear that he might. ” She went on a bit more before she stopped suddenly and asked to change the subject. I obliged, feeling weak from just listening to her story. We chatted for a while and then she said that she had to go to class.

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500 Dates: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Online Dating by Mark Miller

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